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What i've become...
Some of you guys know what i've been thru. The anger has helped me become what I am. Fuck anyone who stands in my or puts me down. I got no use for those who hack on me and whatnot. Am I angry? NOt really but as Capt. Kirk said, "I NEED MY ANGER!" and that is where i stand. I'm tired of grlz who can't give back. I'm tired of people who take and never give. I'm tired of a lot of crap but I know I'm getting ahead. I will make it.
Anyway... Yeah I got anger. I have hatred. But I need that to see what i am. and what i am. i am what i am. people can deal with it or not. for those who can't, they have no empathy and love. And that's the bottom line! One nation, one nation of Gods divided by faith, Nation divided by faith Witness deliberate war of attrition Witness deliberate war of attrition Judge me not, judge lest you be judged Eyes are blind, blinded by violation I hate your contention I hate your violation I hate your corruption I hate your life destruction I hate your contention I hate your violation I hate your corruption I hate your life destruction I am your enemy... Witness deliberate war of attrition Kill my mind, my mind is the weapon Words are banned, words meant to enlighten I hate your contention I hate your violation I hate your corruption I hate your life destruction I hate your contention I hate your violation I hate your corruption I hate your life destruction I am your enemy... I will resist endlessly... Endlessly... Endlessly... Endlessly... |
you know the way your talking, reminds me of this song,
I hate the world today You're so good to me I know but I can't change tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath innocent and sweet Yesterday I cried You must have been relieved to see the softer side I can understand how you'd be so confused I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one Chorus: I'm a bitch, I'm a lover I'm a child, I'm a mother I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your health, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between You know you wouldn't want it any other way So take me as I am This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous and I'm going to extremes tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing Chorus Just when you think you've got me figured out the season's already changing I think it's cool you do what you do and don't try to save me Chorus I'm a bitch, I'm a tease I'm a goddess on my knees when you hurt, when you suffer I'm your angel undercover I've been numbed, I'm revived can't say I'm not alive You know I wouldn't want it any other way i met a lot of people like that, even had a couple of girlfriend that were like that, but no kids, |
i feel you man. im not where you are now, havent been for about 4 years, but the darkness and anger pulled me down a years ago. i didnt really care for anyone or anything, no cloud have a silver lining, there was no hope or bright light at the end of the tunnel. well, you may not be there yet, lets hope you dont get there. but things started to change. took control of my body, got in shape(the fighting really helped me out a lot with anger and fitness) met a nice girl and to top it all off, they brought G.I. Joe back. i still have my bad moments, but thats when i really turn to joedios, you guys and the other joe related stuff on the net. if your strong enough(and i believe you are) you'll fight through this and come back stronger.
a side note about writing songs and lyrics, i have tons, i mean tons of songs and poems i wrote back then. now however, i cant seem to write anything because for the most part im happy. it sucks that i need to feel bad to write good. |
"I believe…whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you…stranger."
Life was so simply when I was kid... |
There's a scene from the movie Red Dawn where Robert is carving another kill into the stock of his rifle.
Colonel: "All that hate's gonna burn you up kid." Robert smiles: "It keeps me warm." |
Stray away from the darkside yo!!
Been there done that. Got married at 20 before going to flight school. She was 17..I think of that song form not long ago..shes only seventeen... Shoulda left her ass home while I went to school. She left me for a flight instuctors friend that was a co captain for an airline. Boy did that guy end up getting a handful. He got her knocked up and he made her abort his child. Oh effing well. I gave her everything. I at least got to solo and get a few flight s in before I quit and enlisted into the Air National Guard in Oklahoma. They didnt have the job I wanted, (Crew Chief) so I transferred back to Cali. Got the job I wanted in Fresno. 144thFw. Check em out. They have a great tail marking!! ..I turned into a HUGE manwhore. Had lots of sex and alcohol. Luckily I didnt get crotch rot from anyone(STDs). I didnt want to commit to ANYONE. Luckily several years later (and psychos) I met my current love. I was very fortunate to not have any children thru all of this. You just have to remember to focus on your kids. Make sure they follow your good teachings and dont follow mamas bad habits. They need stability, you are that foundation. Remember, we were young once. Kids arent dumb. They will know when you are unhappy and things are bad. Try not to let them see this. You are better than her. Let her go, I know its hard but you must. Just share the love of collect, sk8ing and music with the kids.!!
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Oops. I think this was supposed to be posted on myspace. I can't remember. Some of you guys that I talk to on msn... You know about this gal named Kristine I've been talking with. Monday, I walked away from her because... You'll love this...
She's getting back with her ex-husband. They are divorced and she wants to make things right. THIS is a guy that beats her, controls her (he wont' let her have a job or a car for starters), and has broken her arm in the past. Kristine is Rick's 4th wife and about 20 yrs older. She even went so far as to JUSTIFYING the abuse! That's what that post is about. The stupidity of people that I let enter my life. But after the messes at Daiso and then some, I learned a lot about myself. Learned a lot after the divorce. I don't regret the divorce because I wouldn't be where Im' at now if I hadn't. It was a learning experience. I just hope I'm not making NEW mistakes! (c'mon, laugh with me on that one! hee hee) I deleted the whole Emi thing. That was uncalled for and I'm not sure where I was going with that. OTHER than we aren't talking and while I'm being civil to her, it's not returned. A few people know what's up and anyway... I guess I was more irritated by Kristine's thoughts and actions. |
reminded me of this song:
She was confused and abused in this life Emotional and violent moments Seemed to take the longest time Every single knockout, dragout Firght they ever had Apologies and dignity denied to lie with SUddenly psychotic eyes Every night she cried herself to sleep She didn't recognize Her own face in the mirror Black and blue, so afraid Intimidation Like a child she hides away He would always try to justify what wasn't true Justified black eye Taken for granted, she sleeps by The phone waiting for a call >From him, but it seems he's never coming home 14 beers later he is there without an answer Once again she questions his Lies, he goes to bed with No reply Tomorrow morning, different story And he'll be a differenty guy He'll justify her black eye With another lie She packs her bags in great temptation He's on his knees, again he cries A hug and a kiss and a don't know why As a tear drops from her swollen eye Apologies until tonight and another Justified black eye |
I'm sorry to hear thinks are so dark for you man hope you can use some of the anger in a positive way.
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You should call whatever woman shelter thats close to her and aske them to contact her then wash your hands off her, if evil guys are what turns her on then let her have one.
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